In memory of our Mama -- Coco

Hi all, it's Charl and I'm posting this is the behalf of Coco. Coco, your letter made me cry :) But here goes... (it's a long but moving one)

OUR MOTHER MARY
In her obituary, my brother, Thomas wrote: “She was so loving, so thoughtful, so understanding and so kind”. It so describes our mum.

How she brought the five of us up, one can only imagine. In my years growing up, I can hardly remember an incident that she was ever angry. The things that she taught me were not things that have to be told by her, rather it was the example she sets. In her quiet and unassuming ways she went about doing her chores and faithfully with love.

The one thing that really strikes me was in fulfilling her role as daughter-in-law, she cooked the many dishes so that it could be offered in prayers to our paternal grandparents. Never in my growing years in Lorong Sinaran have I ever heard her grumble about such a duty. It only taught me to always open my heart and do it with love.

An invaluable lesson I learned from my parents was how to be a generous person in words and deeds, to never count the cost but do the things genuiuely.

My brothers and I were ever so fortunate as we had a fabulous cook, ever so willing to share even with other uncles, aunties and cousins of ours. She always knew what was our favourite dish, mine being sesame chicken and I have yet to cook like what she had cooked for me. She always knew that James liked pork chop and when she was in Australia, she even cooked the dish for him. And as for all of us, our favourites are her curry chicken, ‘lor’ duck, ‘chap hway tng’, ‘ngor hiang’ and ‘cheng tng’. Many a times, she would cook porridge for Robert when he returns from an overseas trip. I remembered she would cut out Mcdonalds’ newspaper cuttings for cheeseburgers on offer for Aaron and Ivan for their lunches.

She has never showed favouritism in her children or grandchildren. She loved us all, children and grandchildren alike. Daughters-in-law and son-in-law were treated with fairness and equal amount of love and understanding. I am very happy that in her own special ways, she had made Ivy felt like a daughter and not just a daughter-in-law.

I remembered clearly 18 years ago, when I just delivered Valerie and shortly dad had a stroke. It was like a shortlived happiness but nevertheless our family were strong and we prayed together. Mum was not only sad but she was so resilient that she even continued to cook for me in my confinement, no questions asked or excuses made. She continued to be ever so kind and it was all done in motherly love.

The one thing all of us admired about mum is also her unselfish dedication to our dad. In his difficult years, she continued to shoulder all the hurts in her, never burdening us with all the problems. Her anger and hurt all those years turned to love and understanding in her caring for my dad. Never again, she grumbles or complains that he has become a burden to her. She was always able to excuse any difficulties with a light-hearted comment. Only we can imagine how she felt in those years. Sad to say, many a young couples fail to be by their partner side when things get rough. Once again, she showed by such a fine example how to live your marriage vows “in sickness and in health”, “in good times and in bad”. She was indeed a special person with strength and lots of love.

Every night, praying fervently in front of the home altar will always be a figure that all of us will remember her by. Whether mum was tired or not and without fail she will be praying the rosary. Something tells me that all the good life that each one of us are enjoying, we owe it to her continuous praying of the rosary. Let us not forget her in our prayers. I am very certain Mother Mary will be so proud of her. I have yet to follow in her example in praying so fervently the rosary. In her quiet ways of praying mum has taught me never to question our Lord’s will but to trust in him in prayers. By her example of always offering masses for our beloved deceased, she has once again displayed her enormous love for all – alive or dead and never forgetting your loved ones.

Mum not only loved us and we are all blessed by her love, she truly loved her brothers and sister dearly too. We can also see that her love for all the uncles and aunties had been reciprocated with even more love for her. I thank my uncles and aunties especially Hiang Koh for never failing to love her in your own special ways too. She was always so happy just to share a meal or two with them or game enough to enjoy a vacation with Uncle Joseph and Aunty Julie to Malaysia. I think the most memorable holiday she had was with Uncle Vincent and Aunty Nancy to Canada. She talked about it many a times. Thank you Uncle Vincent, Aunty Nancy, Uncle Joe and Aunty Julie for making her life so enriching.

I was blessed to have her with me for a few holiday trips too. Never complaining about tiredness but always having a good time and always game to go anywhere. She may not be able to walk fast but she sure can get lost in the aisle of the shopping centres! In Australia, late in the night and freezing cold, she was always ready to go out for a cup of hot chocolate or milo as she called it. The last trip I enjoyed with her was on a cruise with Robert, Soo Phui, Ivan and Valerie. It’s a joy to go on a holiday with her and I missed that terribly!

She was always our “ready-to-go” shopping and lunch partner too. A phone call to each other was all it takes to get it going. I have since lost my favourite lunch partner.

Despite her stroke in late 1994, she never blames anyone or felt sorry for herself. She just continued to trust in the Lord and with the Lord’s blessings she recovered well to see more of the world. Her only worry was who was going to look after dad. She always joked with him that it was better for him to return to the Lord before her. But dad’s answer was always to live to a hundred!! I guess the Lord has his plans. She need not worry as she had taught and shown us well how to care for my dad and love each other. I have looked at all the unfortunate turn of events as some might call it, unfortunate, but, it is the Lord’s will and in trusting, everything will always turn out well. How blessed we are with a faith and being taught and shown so well by our mum and dad.

This is a short beautiful note Valerie sent to me one day and it is to be sent to a beautiful woman and Ma I’m sending it to you.

You are indeed ---

A woman of real beauty smiles in trouble,
Gathers strength from distress and grows brave through reflection & prayers.

This is how I would describe Ma and how she persevered in getting well from her stroke and continue to enjoy life. She certainly gathers strength from praying and in her passing she has given me strength to understand God’s will and not ours. She made me understand that memories of her will live with us forever.

The years have continued to pass, we have continued to live our lives and the more the days passed by I feel I am beginning to resemble her a lot more. How uncanny!!! And it is not easy fitting into her shoes. People have been telling me how I looked like her, walk like her but I wish I could cook so excellently like her too. Looking and sounding like her is something I do experience at times, maybe its her way of letting all of you know that she is not to be forgotten so easily……….(Hahaha) Well, all of us know for sure she will always be in our hearts :->

It has been 4 years since her passing and not even one day do I forget her. Days when I attend the mid-day mass, I can only imagine one of the elderly ladies was her. How I miss having lunches or holidays with her. I guess her absence is most felt during the happy occasions of the marriages of Gary & Michelle and Bernard & Charlene. But Ma I am sure you are very much with us in whatever occasions there is. Your spirit will always live on.

The latest addition to our family is Gary’s son Gabriel. When little Gabriel sees the picture of Mum or Lau Ma to him he seem to be in deep conversation with her, cooing away and looking lovingly at her. I wonder what they talked about:->

How the years have passed, it will be 5 years now, but the memories of her is always so fresh when Hiang Koh and I talked about her, how she would like to buy any food ingredients in bulk. Her thoughts were to always cook delicious food for the family. We would reminised about her best in town “pineapple tarts”, “kueh bangkit” and all her new year goodies. I am happy to say that Soo Phui, Kim, Ivy, Grace and I have mastered some of her favourite goodies and delicious food, however, there will also be a tinge of difference in our final product. Nevertheless, we all proud to have continued in her love to cook for the family. I remembered learning how to cook through the phone, I would call her and ask her for the recipe. However, she would tell me “aga-aga”, which was of not much help when you are just learning how to cook, but I perserved just like her. (Another good traits I got from her :->)

20th December will always be a special day for Richard and I. It is our wedding anniversary but every year we share it with her and celebrate her memories too.